Two Kids

Making the adjustment to being a parent when I had Tavvin was really hard for me. I feel like there is absolutely no way to understand what it feels like to be a mom until you become one and what's so crazy about it is that it happens in a single moment. You're just you and then you see your baby and suddenly you're not you anymore, you're that baby's mother. It's so weird and so amazing. 

The adjustment was hard because suddenly your whole life becomes about taking care of someone else and after being independent and free it's kind of a shock. You can no longer do anything really on your own schedule, at least not for a while. It took me some time to acclimate to that, but once I did I totally loved it. Having one kid and no job really wasn't too hard once I got used to it. And it was so much fun. 

Making the adjustment to two kids has been both easier and harder than the adjustment to one. I feel much more comfortable about caring for a newborn. I understand more about feeding schedules, diaper changes, what you really need in the diaper bag, etc. etc. so in that sense it has been easier. But I no longer have all my time to devote to just Harlow. I have to do all the newborn caring stuff AND continue to keep Tavvin happy and cared for. So the hardest part has been trying to find the balance. It's even harder because Tavvin has had to make the adjustment right along with me and it's definitely been a challenge for him. There was no way to prep him for it because he doesn't understand well enough and even now it's hard to explain things to him. 

I feel like I've had a hard time emotionally because I don't want him to think I love him any less, but don't know how to he that across to him because I have to neglect him a fair amount to care for Harlow's needs. But I also feel bad for her because I also have to neglect her at times to fulfill Tavvin's needs. It may seem so silly, but when my sole purpose in life right now is to be a mother, it's hard to feel like I can't do my best at it. Or actually that doing my best at it isn't enough. 

I know this time is temporary, and almost a month has already flown by, but I wanted to record some of my feelings about it to remember. I like to be able to look back and reflect on the way things were and progress I've made. I'm hoping 6 months from now or a year from now I'll be managing just fine and won't even remember what life was like without two kids. 

I just love them both so much.